Once upon a time in a typical quiet and friendly neighborhood, friends of a friendly, quiet and timid neighbor decided to play a prank on him.  As of this day, this poor fellow still does not understand why he was picked to be the victim.  Although, admittedly he is quite the prankster himself.

It all started one ordinary morning when this neighbor, (we will call him George for the story sake) picked up his mail in the mailbox.  Much to his surprise, he noticed a strange envelope with funny childish type of script.  The letter was addressed to him which arose his curiosity.  He opens up the letter and much to his surprise, he finds a Polaroid picture showing three persons with brown paper bags over their heads with holes for the eyes and mouth

.

A picture which gives chill down ones spine as it reminds you of other pictures you sometimes see on the newspapers and television whenever a kidnapping occurs.  At first, George does not notice what these three individuals are holding in their hands.  He proceeds to read the caption on the picture which read:  "We do  have her, she's safe for now.  We'll be in touch with our demands.  Signed: Cow Tse Tung Revolutionary mooooovement"

Unbelieving of the whole situation, George proceeds outside to check his greenhouse where the cow was suppose to be situated as part of a manger for Xmas.  Once there, he finds the poor cow missing.  On one of the greenhouse windows hangs a poster which reads as follows:  "We've taken the cow (here a picture of a cow).  If you ever want to see her again, you'll follow our instructions.  If you notify the authorities, the next time you will see her as (here a picture of a pack of hamburg) a patty.  We will be in touch."

At that point, George woke up to the fact that things were serious and he had one hell of a problem on his hands.  He decided he was going to fight back and get the perpetrators.  This was going to be a job for Aylmer's Sherlock Holmes.  He immediately proceeded to make up a WANTED" poster and post it around town in order to get help from the public.  Yes the public, George was desperate.

George was going to find them at any cost.  He proceeded to buy himself a good strong magnifying glass so that the picture and possibly other objects of interest to the case could be scrutinized to the utmost.

Of course the first piece of evidence was the first picture above where the subjects could be examined closely.  Like a good detective, George scrutinized the pictures to the best of his abilities to see if somewhere, on the fingers or bodies of the perpetrators a clue could be found.  The fingers were the main part of interest in this case.  George was looking for rings on the fingers etc….so that he could match the evidence with all his (loyal) friends.  As for the first photo, the search was in vain.  No one he knew matched the fingers on the picture or that his (loyal) friends had made sure that they did'nt show any evidence and taken their jewelry off.

A few days later, George gets another envelope.  In this envelop there is another picture of his beloved cow.  This time the cow is grazing in a beautiful Aylmer golf course landscape.  A letter accompanies the picture.

This is the letter:

Patty likes her freedom, and, as you see, we're taking care of her (in the photo you

can see her grazing contentedly).

She tells us that her life was miserable with you. Stuck in a glass house (one who

lives in glass houses should not own cows), with no one to speak to but that stupid

donkey who doesn't cowspeak and apparently stinks.

She also tells us that you have chickens who also need to be liberated. Don't worry

we won't touch the chickens, but in an effort to liberate their offspring, the first of

our ransom demands involves you collecting 12 eggs from our fowl feathered friends

and distributing these to 12 of your neighbours. Hopefully, one of these kind people

will see fit to free these offspring from your oppressive regime.

We have ourways of knowing if you follow through on this demand. So if you want

to see Patty again, do it now. You have three days to comply.

Signed:

COW TSE TUNG REVOLUTIONARY LIBERATION MOOOVEMENT.

George cannot begin to explain what went through his mind every time he was contacted by these unforgiving S.O.B's.  Of course, this picture was also scrutinized diligently to no avail.

In the meantime, being determined not to let himself beat, George was thinking all the time.  When he ate, when he traveled, when he made love as well as when he dreamed.  He was convinced that they were someone close to him like his (loyal) friends.  Guy the mechanic who lives behind Georges place, spends a lot of time in his garage.  Marc Regimbald and a few others like Richard, Bernie etc….usually went to visit Guy after supper on most evenings.  George, thought it was a good time to go out there secretly and listen in on their conversation.  George knew that if they had anything to do with the case, they would be talking about it at that time.  So good ole George, stands like an idiot in his back yard watching Guy's place in order to know when one of them goes to visit Guy.  Lo and behold, Marc shows up.  He gets in the garage.  George runs and runs to get there in good time not to miss any part of their conversation.  Once he gets to the side of the garage where a small window is installed, George gets as close to the window as possible and lends an ear to the window.  Much to his surprise, all he could hear was a mumbling sound and can't hear a thing.  What George did not know is that the garage is so well insulated that he could not hear a damn thing.

Another one of Georges smart idea was, the day he decided to go to Guys place again to see if he could find his cow.  You see Guy was the main suspect of George's investigation.  His idea was, should he find the cow, he was going to be able to reverse the joke on the perpetrators.  Well, after searching the shed, the racks in back of the house, under the porch, under the house etc….he did'nt find a damn thing.  George was getting frustrated.  That day, he decides he was going to question people.  He goes over to the corner store owner Gilles Beriault, another unforgiving S.O.B and asks him if he knew anything.  He answers negatively.  Of course he would, he was in on the joke.  George also talks to the clerk at the store, Diane, who promised to tell him if she heard anything.  She even says to George that she knew a lot of the customers and that she should, for sure, be able to get some clues on who it is.

George kept checking with Diane at the store if she had had any luck.  Finally, one day he walks in the store and asks Diane the usual question "well did you hear anything".  Much to his surprise Diane says yes she had received some information and knew who they were.  Well...? George replies?  She answers back by saying that she was not going to share the information with him.  George of course, shows his disappointment and can't understand why she would not share the information with him especially that she had told him she would.  George proceeds by reminding Diane that there was a reward on the poster for a case of 12 beers of her choice if George found out who it was.  She replies that the perpetrators offered her a case of 24 if she shut her mouth and did not share the information with George.

George could not believe what was happening and was amazed with the power of those perpetrators to be able to shut up everyone like that.  It was so bad that, George being a septic tank pumper (a septologist) one day goes to old Gatineau to dump his load at the purification plant.  As he has to check in with the operator on duty, he proceeds to do so.  While he is filling out the various documents required the operator asks George "by the way, did you finally find your cow".  George replied by saying "where the hell did you find out about this" He replies that everyone in town knows about your cow and who it is.  SHIT!  I said "Except me" Well, no sense telling you that George did not know what to think.  Everyone in the whole town of Gatineau, Hull and Aylmer knew about this cowknapping.  Im telling you, George was starting to go nuts. Even when asking his wife she did'nt know anything about who it was.

The following picture was another letter George got with the caption:

My abductors brought me to see how real cows spend their day and when they return me to you, we'll have to have a little talk. (P.S. I have a tuque just like yours)

Signed: Patty

Well, again a few mornings later George receives yet another letter with two pictures in the envelope.  The fact that one of the perpetrators occasionally traveled out of town, the letter  had been mailed from (postmarked) in Kingston Ont. That really put a monkey wrench to George's investigation.  You see, one of the perpetrators used to travel because of his work and he took advantage of the situation and mailed the letter in Kingston to confuse George.

The caption on the first picture read as follows:

"We laugh at your attempt to find us.  Ha! Ha! We told you not to go public. Now it will cost you.  See the attached ransom demand.  Signed:

Cow Tse Tung Revolutionary Liberation Mooovement"

The caption on the second picture read as follows:

"We call her Patty and it's not because she's Irish.  Signed:

Cow Tse Tung Revolutionary Liberation Mooovement"

Following the reception of the above pictures, George noticed that one of the pictures had been taken at the corner store.  So George again goes to  his supposedly good friend Gilles the owner and asked  him if he would let him have the cassettes from the spy cameras in the store.  It was going to be a sure shot way of finding out who he was dealing with.  Well ! He did get the films, but, unknowing to him, Gilles gave him the films of the wrong week.  George spent about three hours going through those films to no avail.  The S.O.B. was in on the joke also.  George obviously was getting more and more frustrated, after a long reflection, he decided that maybe he was talking to too many people about what was going on which obviously was being transmitted to the perpetrators and was encouraging them to keep harassing him.  George woke up one morning with a changed attitude and new tactics.  HE WOULD SHUT HIS GODAM MOUTH from now on.  For a long while, he told everyone that he was having no contacts from or with the perpetrators and as far as he was concerned the nightmare was going to go away.  As for the cow, he knew that it would eventually be returned one way or another.  A few weeks later, George gets another letter with yet another picture of his cow.  His new tactic seemed to give some results.  The caption read as follows:

Although the letter says, we are returning the cow, the cow did not accompany the letter which confused George a bit.

The letter read as follows:

" Mr. Levasseur,

As you can see, we/re returning the damn cow.

We thought we would do a good deed and show her the sights and a taste of the freedom she's been missing under your oppressive rule.  When we brought her to parliament hill, however (see attached photo) she started talking to some of the "Bloc Quebecois" members and lo and behold, if she didn't join the party.

Yes, Patty is now a card carrying member of the "Bloc", She's taken this liberation thing too far. (on a notre hostie de voyage avec  cette calice de vache)

We were going to ask for a ransom but there is no doubt that you would'nt pay to have her back now.

If we were you, we would'nt put her back with the donkey just yet.  At least until you've had an opportunity to deprogram her.

Maybe next time we'll take your truck; at least then we'll know the shit we're getting ourselves into.

Affectionately yours,

(the now disbanded)

Cow Tse Tung Revolutionary Liberation Mooovement

Not long after receiving the above letter, George got a phone call from doctor Varney the local Vet.  He tells George that he has a parcel for him at the clinic.  Would he please come and pick it up anytime soon.

George could'nt believe his ears.  Would the perpetrators have gone so far as to involve the local vet ?  Well! Yes they had.  Of course, being curious George does not loose any time and drives up to Dr. Varney's clinic.

At the clinic, the girls at the counter behaved very serious and professional about it all.  They asked George what they could do for him and George told them about the phone call.  They asked George to follow them in the recovery room for animals where Dr. Varney was waiting.  As he gets in the room, Dr. Varney tells George that he had received his cow from the perpetrators and he was to deliver the cow to him.  George being a staunch federalist, he finds his cow in a cage, wrapped up in a Quebec flag.  I wont repeat what George said then.  All I can say is that he proceeded to open the cage and take his cow out when Dr. Varney intervened and tells him that getting his cow back wont be as simple as that. There was a fee to be paid of $250.00 for various inoculations and for neutering the cow.  Needless to say there was laughter from everyone there following that statement from Dr. Varney.

George took his cow home and both of them were happy to be back together again.  There were lots of tears as they went home in the car.

The following Friday, George, through his wife, received a message from the perpetrators that he was to bring himself and a chair and go and sit in the middle of his croquet game in the back yard at 6 PM that evening. Something would be divulged to him pertaining to the cowknapping.

George, again, not knowing what to expect and being curious, acquiesced to the demand. A couple of minutes past 6 PM, a line of 18 perons come out of the wooded back trail, adults, children, men, women etc…with paper bags on their heads with holes for the eyes and mouth.  They all stood in  a line in front of George and asked him to try and pick the originator of the prank. Of course George could'nt do it.  RICHARD BISSON comes forward and removes his bag and announces that he was the culprit.

The finale:  

This prank is a classic.  George thought that the effort, the secrecy, the execution were excellent.  This prank is a typical example of a dynamic and friendly neighborhood.  Well done!